Duplicity Inbox

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Martin is away from the phone right now. Pleas leave a message and he'll get back to you.

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[Martin gives him a look.]

Jon, how many times have you put yourself through awful things because you thought you deserved it?

[compellingstatement]

I don't put myself through things because I think I deserve them.

[The protest is accompanied by a scowl.]

It's to a purpose.

[The purposes are just... a bit flimsy sometimes.]

[domainless]

[Martin gives him a look. He knows Jon. He knows what Jon does. He hadn't been as absent as perhaps everyone thought when he was working with Peter.]

And I bet everyone who wants you to make it worse here also has a 'purpose'.

[compellingstatement]

[Jon just clicks his tongue and looks away, grabbing up the tea to drink. He doesn't have a good argument for that straight off and it's frustrating.]

So, you think I should do this for Chris, then? He has a purpose.

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No! I still think it's using you to self harm and I don't think that's healthy.

I don't think it's healthy when you put yourself through terrible things either. After- you would listen to some tapes in the safe house. Over and over again, even if it hurt you.

[compellingstatement]

Maybe they were things I needed to hear.

[The words are sharp, much sharper than they need to be or should. Jon takes a deep breath and breathes out through his nose.]

I'm sorry. That was- I'm just... frustrated. I'll tell Chris no for now. Not until he's thought about it more and talked to a few people.

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No. You were just punishing yourself, Jon.

I know you are. It sounds frustrating. I just... I know it will make you feel better for a while. But afterwards? God Jon you hate yourself for doing this stuff.

[compellingstatement]

[Jon huffs a humorless laugh.]

Yes, I suppose I do.

[But saying no once is never going to change that, is it? You can't just erase all the bad by being a good. The scales can't ever be balanced. Not with what's weighing one side down.]

Thank you for being... here.

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[Maybe not. Maybe things can't ever go back to normal, to right. But he can still stop Jon from digging a deeper hole of self-hatred.]

Nowhere else I'd rather be.

I mean, not here here. But with you.

[compellingstatement]

[Jon tuts softly and sets his tea down before reaching out for Martin.]

Come here.

[And if he comes, Martin will find Jon pulling him down into his lap so that he can give the other man a proper snog. He's not going to last long with Martin in his lap. But for a little bit? Well, he's the boss. No one to say he can't take a few minutes to kiss his boyfriend at work.]

[domainless]

[Martin smiles at him and lets Jon pull him into his lap. He gives a soft laugh that's quickly cut off by the kiss. It's lovely. He loves Jon, getting to be close to him is the best place in the world.]