domainless (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
domainless) wrote2021-03-12 07:29 pm
domainless) wrote2021-03-12 07:29 pm
Duplicity Inbox
Martin is away from the phone right now. Pleas leave a message and he'll get back to you.
Sure! I'm free whenever. Don't exactly have a packed social calendar.
"I mean, yeah. Especially the Web from what I've gathered." Annabelle Caine being prime example of that.
"Go figure, powers that revolve around fear and pain are still assholes even after getting what they want."
un: thearchivist; text (backdated to just before the loss portion of the event started)
compellingstatement
2022-04-05 01:29 am (UTC)(link)
Are you at home?
I need you.
I fed on someone.
I didn't mean to.
I'm so sorry, Martin.
I need to figure out how to fix this.
I need you.
I fed on someone.
I didn't mean to.
I'm so sorry, Martin.
I need to figure out how to fix this.
"Yeah. Still seems like there's a lot of... animosity. Resentment. But they can't do much about it." The Not-Sasha had definitely thought it could hurt Jon, wanted to do it, and had got a nasty surprise.
Re: un: thearchivist; text (backdated to just before the loss portion of the event started)
domainless
2022-04-05 11:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes. Yes I'm at home.
God Jon... just... just come home, okay?
God Jon... just... just come home, okay?
okay
[Just that. Jon arrives at the house and goes to find Martin. He knows he likely looks a mess at the moment. He's holding it together at least a little, but not as well as he should be, now that he's in the safety of the house.]
I didn't mean to... [He says by way of greeting.] I really, really didn't mean to. I'm sorry. I- It's Charlotte. I hurt Charlotte.
[Just that. Jon arrives at the house and goes to find Martin. He knows he likely looks a mess at the moment. He's holding it together at least a little, but not as well as he should be, now that he's in the safety of the house.]
I didn't mean to... [He says by way of greeting.] I really, really didn't mean to. I'm sorry. I- It's Charlotte. I hurt Charlotte.
"Good. That's the only good thing I've heard happening back home."
[Martin is waiting for him, curled up on the sofa with a cup of tea that he sets aside when Jon enters.]
Oh god, Jon... Look, sit down, and tell me what happened, okay?
Oh god, Jon... Look, sit down, and tell me what happened, okay?
[He slumps down a little ways away from Martin on the sofa, staring down at his hands.]
She just wanted to have lunch together. Chat. Be... normal. I promised her a pizza. We started eating, talking in the break room. It was supposed to be-to be nice.
[And then he'd ruined it. Jon bends over, elbows on his knees as he hangs his head.]
But it can't be normal. It can't be nice. That's not- [It's not for something like him.] I asked her a question... and I didn't stop her when she answered. Just-just sat there and drank it in like she was a fucking smoothie.
She just wanted to have lunch together. Chat. Be... normal. I promised her a pizza. We started eating, talking in the break room. It was supposed to be-to be nice.
[And then he'd ruined it. Jon bends over, elbows on his knees as he hangs his head.]
But it can't be normal. It can't be nice. That's not- [It's not for something like him.] I asked her a question... and I didn't stop her when she answered. Just-just sat there and drank it in like she was a fucking smoothie.
Edited 2022-04-07 13:08 (UTC)
[Martin moves closer to him, not quite touching, but there if Jon needs him to be.
His jaw clenches when Jon explains what had happened. He hates this. He hates than Jon has done this, and he hates that the Eye and Elias, have put Jon in this position.
He hates that he can't fix this. For anyone. Bloody useless isn't he?]
Did you take a whole statement?
His jaw clenches when Jon explains what had happened. He hates this. He hates than Jon has done this, and he hates that the Eye and Elias, have put Jon in this position.
He hates that he can't fix this. For anyone. Bloody useless isn't he?]
Did you take a whole statement?
...Yeah.
[His fingers curl into his hair.]
She said she wasn't angry. She tried to apologize to me. She just- she doesn't get it. She doesn't understand. [His voice cracks, and he has to take a moment to compose himself.]
I have to fix this Martin. I have to- She asked about a contract, and I told her to talk to you. You're the only one who- Tim and Sasha are too early days. I don't know if that would even work, though. I'm not Elias.
[His fingers curl into his hair.]
She said she wasn't angry. She tried to apologize to me. She just- she doesn't get it. She doesn't understand. [His voice cracks, and he has to take a moment to compose himself.]
I have to fix this Martin. I have to- She asked about a contract, and I told her to talk to you. You're the only one who- Tim and Sasha are too early days. I don't know if that would even work, though. I'm not Elias.
Fuck.
[That wasn't good. That had so many implications, and yeah, she probably just doesn't understand, but she will, the first time she sees Jon in her nightmares.]
Okay, a contract is something to try. Maybe it won't work but it's better than nothing. And...
God Jon...
[That wasn't good. That had so many implications, and yeah, she probably just doesn't understand, but she will, the first time she sees Jon in her nightmares.]
Okay, a contract is something to try. Maybe it won't work but it's better than nothing. And...
God Jon...
There are too many people here.
[No, that's not really the problem.]
There are too many people who keep forgiving me, letting me get away with this- There are more than her. More than a dozen since I've been here. Most of them are gone, but- What is wrong with people here? I'm the one who- Some of them are still my friends. Jamie. I did it to Claudia and Albus. Vash.
Claudia's the only one who's ever got angry at me. Her and Noah. But he doesn't dream.
[No, that's not really the problem.]
There are too many people who keep forgiving me, letting me get away with this- There are more than her. More than a dozen since I've been here. Most of them are gone, but- What is wrong with people here? I'm the one who- Some of them are still my friends. Jamie. I did it to Claudia and Albus. Vash.
Claudia's the only one who's ever got angry at me. Her and Noah. But he doesn't dream.
Maybe people understand that it isn't on purpose, and that you're sorry? That it's something that is hurting you as well?
[Martin knows that it's awful, god he knows, but he still loves Jon. Even after the apocalypse. Even after everything that had happened there.]
And maybe it's different here too. Everything is so messed up that maybe nightmares don't seem so bad.
[Martin knows that it's awful, god he knows, but he still loves Jon. Even after the apocalypse. Even after everything that had happened there.]
And maybe it's different here too. Everything is so messed up that maybe nightmares don't seem so bad.
Stop making excuses for me. Sorry isn't enough!
[The words are harsh, brittle, as Jon twists his fingers in his hair to the point of pain. He regrets the outburst, but doesn't know how to take it back. He just breathes through his nose for several seconds.]
I'm the one with- I have the power. It's my responsibility to control it. Maybe-maybe Duplicity took away control for some of them. They didn't for Charlotte. This was me. This was entirely me.
[The words are harsh, brittle, as Jon twists his fingers in his hair to the point of pain. He regrets the outburst, but doesn't know how to take it back. He just breathes through his nose for several seconds.]
I'm the one with- I have the power. It's my responsibility to control it. Maybe-maybe Duplicity took away control for some of them. They didn't for Charlotte. This was me. This was entirely me.
I didn't say it was enough! I just meant... people can be hurt, but still understand that you're sorry. Maybe people can acknowledge that but still be... friends. Or at least friendly.
Like you were with Daisy.
Like you were with Daisy.
[The comparison has him going quiet for a few seconds. It's... a point. But-]
Did you ever understand her? Did you ever feel like you could be friendly with her?
Did you ever understand her? Did you ever feel like you could be friendly with her?
[He's silent for a minute. Part of him wants to say of course not, Daisy had been awful but...]
We talked a few times, while you were in Norway. She didn't want to be alone. She'd check in on me. She explained a few things about- about you actually.
I just wasn't really in a position to- I was in the middle of trying to kill every emotion and connection I'd ever had so...
We talked a few times, while you were in Norway. She didn't want to be alone. She'd check in on me. She explained a few things about- about you actually.
I just wasn't really in a position to- I was in the middle of trying to kill every emotion and connection I'd ever had so...
[It's not that he forgets what Martin went through. But it does, sometimes, lose focus in his mind. Jon is quiet again for a long while. He can't discount Martin's side of things without belittling the horror he'd gone through. Jon had been able to turn to other people. Martin had had... himself. And Peter Lukas, when the man had deigned to turn up.
Slowly, Jon loosens his grip and lets his hands fall from his hair into his lap.]
It... doesn't matter. I'm sorry. I still need to fix this. I can't... this isn't one I can just let stand.
Slowly, Jon loosens his grip and lets his hands fall from his hair into his lap.]
It... doesn't matter. I'm sorry. I still need to fix this. I can't... this isn't one I can just let stand.
[Martin lets out a soft breath, and reaches out to rest his hand against Jon's back, and lightly strokes against it.]
I know. You know, that's part of how I know you're a good person, even if you don't believe it.
A bad person, an evil person, wouldn't care.
I know. You know, that's part of how I know you're a good person, even if you don't believe it.
A bad person, an evil person, wouldn't care.
[A part of him wants so badly to crumple, to press himself to Martin and just let himself be held for a while.
Jon stays where he is.]
A good person wouldn't have done it in the first place.
[He's not going to let that go. Feeling guilty about it after doesn't actually change what he'd done, after all.]
I should... I need to do some research. Check through the network for any other options apart from an employment contract. You should talk to her, if you can. I told her it might be for the best. You know more about... everything than Tim or Sasha.
Jon stays where he is.]
A good person wouldn't have done it in the first place.
[He's not going to let that go. Feeling guilty about it after doesn't actually change what he'd done, after all.]
I should... I need to do some research. Check through the network for any other options apart from an employment contract. You should talk to her, if you can. I told her it might be for the best. You know more about... everything than Tim or Sasha.
[He keeps up those gentle touches. Even if Jon won't let himself lean against him, he's still going to offer that comfort.]
Are there options here? I can't imagine anything in this place is going to be as easy as that. You know what it's like.
[Horrible prices that he knows Jon will torture himself with.]
Are there options here? I can't imagine anything in this place is going to be as easy as that. You know what it's like.
[Horrible prices that he knows Jon will torture himself with.]
[The touch is a reminder of why he's so in love with this man. It's not something he's afraid of, even if he doesn't think he particularly deserves it. And that's something.]
I don't know. That's why I'm going to look. There are people from different worlds here with different powers, different... higher powers. Maybe there's something.
I don't know. That's why I'm going to look. There are people from different worlds here with different powers, different... higher powers. Maybe there's something.
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