It's okay to have other people. You know that, right? I want to be there for you, but you're allowed to let yourself have friends. God knows being with me and the apocalypse hasn't exactly given you the chance. Take advantage of the change while you can.
Considering you've been an amazing friend to me? That seems difficult to believe. You take care of people, Martin. You're thoughtful and generous. You try to do the right thing, even when it's difficult. That seems good enough as a starting point.
You had baggage weighing you down at home, commitments you couldn't get out of. It's not the same here. You're not bound to the Institute. The world isn't imminently doomed or already ended. I have enough money to pay for the basics. I know you're still a Sub and this place is awful, but we can change our contract however you'd like to try to make things better and easier for you.
[This isn't a conversation he should be having when so severely sleep-deprived. But it would seem they're going to have it.]
I should have told you I appreciated your tea more, you know? The extra work you put in. I did, but I hardly ever said it. What you do might not be saving worlds, but you've made me happy. You've made my life easier, and something I want to keep living. I think you could do that for other people. That would be enough, right?
[It hurts to hear it, although not necessarily in a bad way. It hurts like lancing a wound, but also like a bone deep ache because Jon deserved better. He'd always deserved to have things that made him happy. Just being made tea shouldn't be a big deal.]
It sounds nice Jon but- I don't even know where to start. This is the most people I've interacted with in years honestly.
I know. I love you, too, and none of it would even matter if we weren't here. But we are, and it's something I should be helping you with. I don't know. It's not awful, I guess. I can do more of it if it would make you happy? I liked seeing you smile when we were doing the painting thing. That was nice.
I did like that. I liked seeing you lose control a bit, and know it was something I'd done. But I don't want that if you hate it. I want you to feel good if we do things, not just suffer through it.
I don't know. It's hard to tell if I like it or not when there's usually aphrodisiacs. The only other times I've lost control like that without them have been rather... Fraught experiences.
It's all just a lot at once, difficult to process. Maybe that's the point? I feel best when I don't end up having to think much. But it's hard to let go of thinking. I'm sorry, Martin. This isn't helpful.
Maybe. Someone magicked himself into my cell to get rid of the spiders. I think that might help with sleeping, so I can stop bothering you. I told him I'd be his slave for a week for the favor. So, I'll have to deal with that in the next while. Just so you're aware.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-06 11:58 pm (UTC)[It's not helpful.]
I don't know.
See if we have any Statements about prison spiders that have come in tomorrow?
In the morning.
The proper morning.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-07 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-05-07 11:41 pm (UTC)You shouldn't pick up my bad habits.
Why are you even awake?
I woke you up.
I'm sorry.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-07 11:52 pm (UTC)I don't really sleep that well a lot of the time anyway. And it's harder when I'm on my own.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-07 11:58 pm (UTC)Could you sleep with someone else?
Tim or Sasha, maybe?
Morrigan's nice, as well.
I'm sure he'd say yes.
Have you made many friends here, yet?
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 02:04 pm (UTC)I'm not calling your boyfriend at 3am just because I'm not sleeping well.
It's fine. I'm fine.
And I- I don't need anyone else, okay?
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 02:10 pm (UTC)It's okay to have other people.
You know that, right?
I want to be there for you, but you're allowed to let yourself have friends.
God knows being with me and the apocalypse hasn't exactly given you the chance.
Take advantage of the change while you can.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 02:15 pm (UTC)You're not the problem Jon.
I'm just not- not good friend material, okay? It doesn't work.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 02:23 pm (UTC)That seems difficult to believe.
You take care of people, Martin.
You're thoughtful and generous.
You try to do the right thing, even when it's difficult.
That seems good enough as a starting point.
You had baggage weighing you down at home, commitments you couldn't get out of.
It's not the same here.
You're not bound to the Institute.
The world isn't imminently doomed or already ended.
I have enough money to pay for the basics.
I know you're still a Sub and this place is awful, but we can change our contract however you'd like to try to make things better and easier for you.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 05:40 pm (UTC)There's nothing wrong with the contract Jon. Really. It's me.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 06:24 pm (UTC)I should have told you I appreciated your tea more, you know?
The extra work you put in.
I did, but I hardly ever said it.
What you do might not be saving worlds, but you've made me happy.
You've made my life easier, and something I want to keep living.
I think you could do that for other people.
That would be enough, right?
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 08:36 pm (UTC)It sounds nice Jon but- I don't even know where to start. This is the most people I've interacted with in years honestly.
The Institute really did a number on us all.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 11:12 pm (UTC)I'm sorry, Martin.
What can I do to help?
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 11:34 pm (UTC)And besides, you're kind of stuck in a prison cell. Shouldn't I be the one trying to help you?
no subject
Date: 2021-05-08 11:38 pm (UTC)I'm just stuck in jail.
Do you need me to introduce you to people?
no subject
Date: 2021-05-09 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-05-09 01:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-05-09 11:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-05-10 12:52 am (UTC)You do have to make quota, and I know I'm not much use for it.
Sorry.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-11 10:14 pm (UTC)You know it's not- I love you. And not being into sex doesn't change that. You know that, right?
no subject
Date: 2021-05-11 10:20 pm (UTC)I love you, too, and none of it would even matter if we weren't here.
But we are, and it's something I should be helping you with.
I don't know.
It's not awful, I guess.
I can do more of it if it would make you happy?
I liked seeing you smile when we were doing the painting thing.
That was nice.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-13 08:48 pm (UTC)I did like that. I liked seeing you lose control a bit, and know it was something I'd done. But I don't want that if you hate it. I want you to feel good if we do things, not just suffer through it.
cw: reference to aphro, dubcon, and noncon
Date: 2021-05-13 09:04 pm (UTC)It's hard to tell if I like it or not when there's usually aphrodisiacs.
The only other times I've lost control like that without them have been rather...
Fraught experiences.
It's all just a lot at once, difficult to process.
Maybe that's the point?
I feel best when I don't end up having to think much.
But it's hard to let go of thinking.
I'm sorry, Martin.
This isn't helpful.
Re: cw: reference to aphro, dubcon, and noncon
Date: 2021-05-14 06:08 pm (UTC)Maybe when you aren't in a prison cell.
no subject
Date: 2021-05-14 06:15 pm (UTC)Maybe.
Someone magicked himself into my cell to get rid of the spiders.
I think that might help with sleeping, so I can stop bothering you.
I told him I'd be his slave for a week for the favor.
So, I'll have to deal with that in the next while.
Just so you're aware.
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